Posts tagged ‘dating’

July 15, 2011

Things I have learned recently about relationships.

     So I have recently exited a very rocky relationship. So I am at a strange time in my life right now. According to my ex, I am like a “rock bottom” loser that needs to get his shit together…So, for a long while I was actually buying it. I had determined to become this “type-model” this woman desires so much. This is an astounding example of  falling into the traps of social expectations. We sort of even touched on this topic…her logic was this, “It’s not social expectations, it’s my personal expectations for you!.”

     Did I miss something? This woman’s personal expectations are the same social expectations that most women possess. Women do indeed focus on the materialistic and she is a prime example of this. Cars, houses, stupendous paychecks, toys, trinkets etc…I have had all of that and will again. That is dust in the wind…Easily obtainable.

     Anyway, back on topic. I had been determined to better myself for this woman. Important -> This woman, dumped me under the pretense of “needing a break” and in three weeks was already sacked up with her new bf. I was bummed and distraught. I had tried to talk to her about all of this and she is no longer listening, thinking or trying to understand.

     I am now in full realization of myself now. I am working on bettering myself for myself. I will have the best of me again and while I have been putting things back into place, people have been noticing it. The material things, they will come in time, but I am referring to the things that make me who I am. I have had a few comments to the extent of, “You haven’t been the best of you in several years” or “The real you would never have done that or settled on this”. Things like that; really hit home sometimes.

     So, my perspective is changed? check, living for me? check, have direction? check, ready? check.

     This is a unique position for anyone to find themselves in. Reflection, introspection, whatever you want to call it. Several new doors have opened to me. New circumstances are always a step around the corner.

      I am ok with me now, that is the upside. The downside is more complex. I have elected to put my focus entirely on myself now. With this new found outlook, it has brought a few doors that I hadn’t really considered stepping through. I have become a desirable guy. The comical part of this is, I am at rock bottom; yet garnishing female attention and quite frequently as of late. I have made a few connections and been out on a few dates, but, I know I am not in it. I cannot allow myself to get lost in the mess of someone else while I am focusing on my own mess. I would say there are maybe a two or three women I would actually consider this alternative with and well, right now, that isn’t an option.

     I am a playboy by no means. I am really that monogomous kind of fellow, but I am working towards being the best of me right now and find I am just not interested in the insufferably bad concepts that these women have concerning love and relationships. Emotionally, yes, I am ready for a real relationship, so long as it is a healthy one. Mentally, I have become considerably more clear on my own life, but I am not willing to settle for the bs that women walk around projecting on men anymore.

     Remember previously in this post about the ex and her “expectations for me”?, well I told her point blank, I am not going to meet your expectations ever. I will meet my own expectations and I will be quite alright with them. Now here is the irony in this whole scenario. At some point I will truly meet her expectations, be back on my own two feet again, so to speak. At this point(should we still be communicating), there is the potential for a big reality check and maybe even a personal crash. I will have fulfilled her “expectations”, hence falling into her “role-type”. The thing she isn’t really considering and this is a big issue for women; she isn’t considering me in any of her deliberations.

     Women don’t consider men. This woman hasn’t considered my opinions, thoughts or the impact her decisions make on me at all. Now, maybe that is because of our history and our relationship or maybe she does just fall into the typical female psyche. I don’t know, but that is beyond my control and not relevant right now. So what happens when I accomplish my goals? I am that “role-type”? I wanted you to be there, but you decided you didn’t want to be. Will I want to share the rewards of my hard work and efforts with someone who didn’t want to be there when I wanted them to be?, needed them to be?…….

     Expectations destroy more relationships than facebook. There is only one true expectation that should be understood and observed in a relationship of substance and this is it: We work together for each other.

     That’s really it. It is really just that simple. No big mystery, no complex set of rules and regulations, nothing of a miraculous nature.

     Identify, qualify and simplify. It is that easy. If you can do that, you can do all the other things that are needed: communication, relation, realization, understanding and resolution.